Sunday, March 27
staring into space as usual. just a little more more.. today wasn't a fantastic day. i guess cos there's school tmr? this is odd. i know i'll be seeing her.. but i'd rather forgo those few mintues of happiness for an entire day of unequitable lazy joy. =D i know last week i said i'd forget her in a week right? well fat hope, my time is up and i still like her. therefore i've come to the conclusion that i must let this sort of thing fade naturally.. hah! i know it will.. i'm perfectly confident of that.. but i wonder which unfortunate soul will come next.
i've just spent the last few hours digging out stuff for my portfolio and arranging stuff and crapping out stuff abt the pieces. verdict - why do i even bother? i don't think i'm interested in writing anymore. i haven't written anything except that crappy icarus poem all year. hc is not a condusive writing place. besides, i'm going through this negative-emotions spot.. and all i really ever want to do is sleep and listen to sad love songs and think about what cannot be. i guess i liked writing in the past. but i guess i've lost it. i can't write emotive pieces anymore. because i can't really remember what it's like to have subtle naunces of feelings anymore. all i feel are rushes and rages that alternate between burning rage and sweet moments of infatuation. i guess i'm just not willing to be the only untalented gung-ho person in my supposed arts class to go for this kind of literary thing. because. i'm just aiming to be a wallpaper flower.. blend in.. be forgotten.. forget.. exist.. it's a crime and i'm a criminal.. i know it's easter but i can't bring myself to care.. i want to sleep til forever. just sleep and dream and dream and know that in dreams anything can happen, you can turn back time, there are no rules.
i think being friends with her would be very nice indeed. not least because i like her hair. but because she seems to have a nice personality.
i'm a total mess. shoot me, why don't you? spare the world from this deranged fool. how nice it would be to just walk out of life. the way you'd walk out of a room. just a little more affection, cos i don't think it's a sin.. skin on skin. i love that song. but how come i feel so dead even when it plays? i need some excitment in my boring life. maybe tmr i'll see her and it'll be the perfect monday morning perk-me-up. hah i wish. it's nice to play with scissors.
it must've been love.
8:01 pm
xoxo
